Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Conviction, as always.

So this is another post about my job, but from a slightly different angle. I'm not going to be working for the next seven to ten days, with the exception of a little time putting out flyers tomorrow and taking care of signs on Friday and Monday. That is both a relief and a source of frustration. Both of those responses are not the best.

I was talking with my mom today, and she pointed out - quite accurately, and to my sorrow - that I have displayed very little gratitude for this job. My attitude from the getgo has been one of grumbling and complaining. It is irrelevant, to be honest, whether the complaints are well- or ill-founded. They have, in my opinion, largely been in the former category, but that does not change the fact that I have blown it. To be more blunt, I've sinned, and in so doing have robbed God of an opportunity for His testimony to be more clearly established in my life. I've also probably robbed my coworker Justin of an opportunity to see a Godly attitude and heart toward work - even work that is not enjoyed.

God has blessed me immensely with this job. It practically fell into my lap; I hardly had to work for it. The pay has been excellent - at $8 an hour, I shouldn't be complaining. My boss has worked with me from the getgo about having to leave early on Tuesdays and Wednesdays for church functions (some people in this business probably wouldn't have even hired me with those constraints). I've had the opportunity to gain physical strength and get in shape that I would likely not have had in any other job I would have had this summer. I've been able to learn how to do things that I would not have known how to do otherwise - sprinkler systems, rock, sod, edging, patios, general tool use in ways that I was not used to... so many things.

And instead of being grateful to God for the blessings and the opportunities, I've chosen instead to find everything possible to complain about - the hours, my manager, you name it. It's an incredibly selfish attitude, and one that I'm ashamed to see in myself. I've known since I was a little kid that I need to "do all things without grumbling and complaining" and likewise to "do everything as unto the Lord." Have I been worshipping God in this job? Hardly. I've been worshipping myself and my own desires. For that, I apologize to any of you... for putting on you something that may have been a hindrance.

It is humbling to see just how far I have to go. It is all too easy for us to become fixated on the spiritual successes we have seen in our lives - and just as easy for us to become convinced of our own role in the process, of our own strength's contribution. In reality, it is only by the grace of God that we achieve anything, and only with His strength. That I should be so foolish as to believe otherwise after all this time is a testimony to the corruption of the flesh, to the truth of Scriptures assertion that "The heart is deceitful and wicked - who can know it?"

Thank you for your prayers, and above all, praise be to God who is so faithful to bring conviction.

- Chris

1 comment:

  1. Thank You Lord for this blog and for this person who is so sensitive to Your Spirit.


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