Friday, December 14, 2007

Perennial meanderings of the mind

I'm in the office, and it's quiet, and I'm pondering. I'm on rounds for the last time this semester - on the second to last night anyone's in the dorms.

I have normally tried to take time to reflect here on the passing of a semester, a year. I don't know that I can do that yet; I don't know that I fully understand this semester - or indeed, understand it at all. It has surprised me; it has been nothing like I expected. I am used to being surprised, but this has been different in ways that I could not have foreseen. Nothing new, there, but it will be interesting to see how this particular chunk of time fits into the path of my existence.

My sense of time has been odd this week - dilating and contracting at odd and unpredictable intervals. Normally at this time of the year, the weeks as a whole seem to pass quickly while individual events can drag on interminably. Not so this time: the week has a whole has been incredibly long, but no single part of it (save certain individual hours of studying) have dragged on; to the contrary, most individual parts have flown quickly by. It is a strange feeling.

I am ready to be home, to see my family again. I am coming to a point where I miss being there for all that is happening. I was thinking about various possibilities for Christmas presents for my youngest sister, and I realized - in a moment that defined for me the status of our relationship in some ways - that I have no idea what sort of music she is listening to at the moment. A tiny detail, inconsequential in most ways. But it highlighted for me how little I know of her beyond whatever the newest major ups and downs. I don't want to miss out on these parts of her life. That makes me sad. I need to find ways to plug in better - but things like that are inevitably going to be missed unless we're talking far more than either of us has time to. My parents are slowly moving along in their own courses; my middle sister is working her way through college. And here in Oklahoma, I miss seeing them, talking to them, just being physically with them. Thus, I am anxiously awaiting the 23rd of September.

At the same time, I know that I will greatly miss being in Oklahoma the two weeks I am gone, and even the two weeks I am here but school is out will be very odd. I will miss people a lot, though I will also be very busy.

My friend Devon will be in town a little, and that makes me nearly giddy; she's been a good friend to me for a long time, and has been out of country this semester... seeing her will, I know, brighten the time immensely.

I've been reading Isaiah recently. It's interesting. There's a Christological picture painted that is very captivating. Isaiah paints a portrait of a God who is righteous, fierce, judging, holy, and angry - and also gentle, merciful, loving, compassionate, and tender. There is a tension here we can easily miss: a tension between the Holy One who condemns those who sin and thus distort His creation and the representation of His character, and the Redeemer who makes atonement for these sins and forgives His people - for His name's sake, not because they deserve it. Not because we deserve it - because we don't. Yet His glory is revealed as He strives, over the ages, to make Himself known to those who have chosen to forget Him, to draw as many to Himself as is possible.

I'm excited about the potential time I have over break: I plan to read through the rest of Isaiah, and couple that with reading through all the gospels and Hebrews. Coupling the clearest picture in the Old Testament of God's historic work and the person of Christ with the accounts of His life, death, and resurrection, and the primary Jewish theological exposition of Christology in the New Testament promises great reward in knowing God.

My mind seems to be wandering a lot of late in my blog posts, unless I am intentionally focusing in on a particular topic. I don't know whether that's a new phenomena or whether I'm simply more aware of it lately. I also don't know whether it's good, bad, or simply neutral. For now, it simply is.

I pray all is well with all of you. Merry Christmas!

- Chris

1 comment:

  1. You are at about the same age as I was when grew apart in what relationship I had with my youngest sister. We are farther apart in age that you and yours (6 years vs. 4.5 years), though that probably matters little. It is much a function of where you are in your stage of life. I remember it well and still wish there was a way that it might have been avoided, but the bottom line is that you are in the place where you have and are transitioning from life at home as a child into your own life as an adult and it is difficult to maintain that relationship with much effort.
    However, with the modern help of email and cell phones it may easier than it was back in the "olden" days.


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